As much as I'm really not a food snob, ever since my “food conversion” I have struggled at times to keep my lips zipped when necessary, and I'm not always successful. I have the best of intentions, of course. I love my friends and family, and I want them to be around a long time and to enjoy their old age!
But I certainly don't want my occasional bulldozer tendencies to push people away.
Anna sent me a post that is right on the mark (see link below). I will need to refer back to it often for a dose of common sense whenever I might stray. Besides, I'm not always all that sparkly with my diet, either. (Have you read about My Dark Secrets? I'm struggling with the low-carb thing as we speak…it's all chocolate's fault.) The post is actually written to those who have loved ones with diabetes, but it also relates to those with loved ones who just don't eat well, or who we think need to be “brought into the light”.
A couple favorite excerpts:
- These people love their relatives and want them to be healthy, and I respect that. But their concern tempts them to cross an important barrier in a way that I, as a person with diabetes myself, consider invasive. I feel very strongly that no one, and I mean NO one, no matter who they are or how concerned they might be, has a right to tell an adult with diabetes what they should eat or what drugs they should take. Those decision should be made by the individual with diabetes and no one else, because the person with diabetes is the one who has to eat the food, live with the side effects, and suffer the consequences of whatever choice they make.This is a fundamental human right.
- You can talk yourself blue in the face about the wonders of eating a low carb diet or the importance of maintaining normal blood sugars, but if the person you are talking to is content with their situation, brainwashed by the drug and food companies, and trusts their doctor, all your talk will do is trigger anxiety, denial, and hostility towards yourself.
Read the whole post: Other People's Diabetes: Back Off!!!
Now comment below with your thoughts! Do you struggle with this at times, too?
- 5 Ways All Life Changes Are the Same
- Stressed Out? Nutrition not high on the priority list right now? It's OK.
- Support from your spouse in the kitchen
Kelly says
Paula, I totally agree that certain carbs are MUCH better than others (brown rice, whole grain carbs or carbs in fruits & veggies), but I think for some, they could still over-do it on the whole grain carbs, etc.
Vera, that’s perfect!!!
Vera says
I have a friend who drinks soy milk and my other friend loves tofu. They have no idea about my distate for it, so whenever the topic of soy comes up or if we go out to get food and it has soy in it, like miso soup or mint chocolate ice cream (what a shame, its my favorite!), I just say that I’m allergic to it, which is plausible because it’s one of the top allergens, and that’s that. no one’s feelings are hurt, and I don’t eat any soy.
(And I’m also allergic to fructose, and hydrogenated oils, and artificial growth hormones….) Hehe.
Paula says
Thank you for this post! It will help me in the future when I talk to someone about their health. 🙂 Also, I noticed you said low-carbs. I know on CHeeseslaves blog, someone mentioned that there was a GREAT book called Good Cabs, Bad Carbs. That it is not necessarily carbs that are bad for you, but CERTAIN carbs that are bad for you. I am reading a book by Dr. Mercola that talks about this very thing. How carbs from grains are bad for you, but carbs from certain veggies are actually good for you. I am really enjoying your blog. 🙂
Kelly says
MAS, your comment really made me think more about the times I’ve probably come off as a know-it-all to my Mom & sisters about their diabetes, even after I had this post written! I pray God takes it from their memories, and I’ll try to do much better! My only excuse, again, is just that I so badly want them to be healthy and enjoy their later years…not a good excuse though when it’s not really my business. You’ve all made me think a lot more about this, and I’m wondering where the line is as far as sharing something they may not be aware of though, something that could really help them…I suppose I should still keep to myself unless asked. Ooooh, that is not easy…
Kristin, I see what you’re saying about your MIL, health insurance, etc. But yet at the same time, as much as I know sugar intake is linked to cancer, I still eat it too much, and if I ever got cancer someday, I pray my family will still be willing to lovingly care for me.
Local Nourishment, you sound like me in the grocery store! BTW, I’ve had to field similar comments about our pregnancies, and we only have FOUR!
Local Nourishment says
I got comments, not relating to diabetes, but to pregnancy. We have made certain decisions (actually, you could say lack of decisions) about how many children we would have and their spacing that are not popular. People frequently comment about our personal bedroom habits and our obvious ignorance (“Pregnant AGAIN? You know what causes that, don’t you?”) as if it concerned them in any way. I found these comments rude in the extreme. It took me a while to develop a healthy repetoire of comebacks that neither accept others’ judgements nor give hurt in return. But it has been a growing and humbling process.
And yet, I’ve been on the delivering end of barbs from time to time when it comes to nutrition. Once in the grocery store, my daughter was picking out yogurt and came back with one with the little Nutrasweet swirl on the label. I showed her the swirl and said, “See that, honey? That’s what a skull-and-crossbones looks like on food packaging. There’s poison in that package. Can we find something without the swirl?” A very angry lady within earshot swung around and gave me what-for about how “that skull-and-crossbones has saved millions of diabetic lives!” I apologized for hurting her feelings, but not before I counted to 10. I was so tempted to shoot back. It would have fallen on deaf ears and just made the situation worse.
Elizabeth Quigley says
Great Post Kelly. I beleive that sometimes we can go over board with healthy eating and misjudge what people need. My dh can’t eat what is considered real healthly foods. His medical condition requires that he eats a very low fiber diet. So I have to use foods like white flour ,box cereals,can veggies and ect. We each have to listen to our own bodies and decide what is going to work for us. We can always so by what the so call expects say.
So I agree with you. There are people that I want to say zip it up to.LOL This is what works for us.
Blessings,
Mama Turtle
Kristin says
But do keep in mind, many diabetics are very irresponsible about their diet and put huge burdens on family and friends to take care of them. They also drive up healthcare costs for everyone.
Certainly, the commenters here are not like that. You all are clearly taking steps to control your own health issues. But this is not the case for, say, my MIL. She’s borderline diabetic, eats all sorts of junk, and will need a lot of care due to it as she gets older. And there is not a predisposition for diabetes in the family.
We all need to take responsibility for our actions and how those actions effect others, whether it be well-intended advice or being a bad example and a burden to others.
Shauna says
This is a great article. It really is such a catch 22. It’s SO frustrating to see people who are my age (30’s) dealing with diseases that used to plague the elderly. Just taking a trip out in public is dismaying. We really have become quite a sight as a nation/culture.
The part of the issue that becomes hard for me to “find the line on” is the fact that people’s unhealthy behavior when becomes a cost burden on everyone as a whole. Personal liberty means that you are also willing to PAY for and ACCEPT the consequenses of those decisions. Instead, what we have is a nation of people who “want their rights” to do whatever they want to their body, and then they expect the taxpayer to absorb the skyrocketing costs of their demise. Either that, or they simply expect the medical care and all the medications that go along with it, and don’t care that their lifestyle choices are increasing the costs of insurance for everyone else.
Shauna
MAS says
Thank goodness the advice to stop telling diabetics what to do! I controlled diabetes since I was 16 with a low-carb diet, doing what traditional media tells us–whole grains to stablize, exercised, the whole nine yards because I’m a 4th generation diabetic. At 47, none of it worked anymore.
I get so tired of “misinformed people who think they ARE informed.”
I NEVER tell anyone that I have diabetes just to avoid these types of discussions. Instead of just asking, “What can I do?” and meaning it, they go off on all these lectures, “media think,” what someone they know does, etc.
They become very arrogant, controlling, demeaning, as though they have “special insight.”
Want to know what a person is REALLY like? Tell them you have diabetes.
Holly Young says
I was so impressed when you went shopping for me. I know I asked you to buy things for me that you were opposed to. You didn’t say a word of opposition. That meant a lot to me! thanks!
Julie says
When my kids were young I was such a lioness in my protection of them, protecting them from bad foods, bad influences that I must have alienated many good people. I shudder when I think about it. It’s best to keep the lips zipped as you say. When someone asks advise, that’s different I think.
Katrinad says
This was a needed post and reminder for me to be humble. Thank you!