I'm wondering… How many of you actually still sleep with your spouse? Or are you in separate beds?
I've learned that sleeping apart is much more common than I used to think!
We always said we'd never sleep in separate beds. We felt like being together all night was what couples should just DO, until death do they part.
But between Kent's snoring (which I could usually sleep through, but not always), and my snoring (which began with peri-menopause, ugh) and then my lovely hot flashes, well, it started out with just sleeping across the hall occasionally… but then it became more often, and now it's been over two years and it's pretty much always.
Plain and simple, we both get better sleep!
Kent gets up really early every day and needs his sleep so he can function well. I usually don't get up as early as he does but definitely need my sleep too with so much going on around here each day.
- I also like it because in the night if I remember something I forgot to do, it's not bugging him when I flick my phone on to make a note.
- Or if I want to read before bed, the light isn't bothering him.
- I can listen to my latest FAV song before nodding off with no complaints.
- The best part is if I have a hot flash in the night, I'll click on this inexpensive and SWEET remote, and then when I'm freezing again, in one click it's back off and not only did it not wake Kent up, I barely wake up myself!
If you don't still sleep with your spouse, what about…you know…?
He'll tell people when they ask about that: “I know where to find her.” 😉
We still have good connect time otherwise too because we're always hugging, or chatting around the house with the kids, or going for walks with long talks, and of course we love our date nights. It really is a bit sad, though, because I liked having him next to me when I roll over in the night and never thought this would be us. So now and then we'll have sleepovers, but even when we do I'll usually end up coming back to my bed part-way through the night because I like it better now. It still seems weird if I think about it too much, but this works for us, right now anyway. Maybe at some point we'll be back in the same bed at night once my flashes are done and if the snoring lets up… But I kind of doubt it, ha!
Do YOU still sleep with your spouse? If not, does it ever make you a little sad? Or do you mostly like it too?
More you might like:
- Here's the mattress Kent still sleeps on and loves! (I need to get myself a new one for my room!)
- Can't afford top-of-the-line like the one above? If you need a non-toxic and super affordable mattress — Check these out! A good friend of mine has one and loves it, I'm just not sure it'll last long term like the one Kent has.
- Do you take these probiotics (here's why these are the only kind I'll take now)
Lynn McCarthy says
We haven’t for some time now. My hubby snores and I am a light sleeper and a restless sleeper. It’s better for everyone that we sleep in different rooms! There are nights we start out together but then one of us ends up finding their way back to their own room.. sleeping apart has nothing to do with not loving your partner but everything to do with being a good partner when you’re well rested.
Sheena says
I’m intrigued by this idea.
I will pass along a homeopathic snoring remedy…Sanguinaria 200C, twice a day. Wish I could get my husband to try it. If someone else tries it, let me know if it works.
Karleen says
We sleep apart, too. When he worked he was much more tired and usually snored less and slept deeper. He retired early, and then it would be 2am before he settled down to quiet sleep. Meanwhile I am laying there staring at the ceiling, or drifting off then jumping when he would snort or start snoring, and I was feeling exhausted all the time! Much better sleep now!
Sandi says
Yes, we’ve been sleeping together for the entire 49 years of our marriage and have no intentions of stopping now! As a matter of fact, when visiting the UK last month one of our B&Bs only had a room with 2 twin beds available. It was so weird to us, we both hated it! And yes, he does snore and has to get up at 3am for work, but it’s ok by me.
Samia says
Your hot flashes might be helped by taking Vitamin E – lots of it. The more fat you eat, the more Vit E you need; menopausal women are notoriously low in Vit E.
I read these things in my old-ish Adelle Davis book, Let’s Get Well. She was rarely wrong about anything. Everything she says (or just about everything) is supported by a long list of medical references at the back of the book.
KitchenKop says
Samia,
I love Adelle too! I’ll check into that. The flashes are not too big a deal these days, they’ve definitely calmed down. I think it’s from homeopathy. 🙂
Kelly
Sheena says
Love Adelle Davis!!!
Jackie says
We sleep apart, my husband has restless leg syndrome and restless arms, so if we try to sleep in the same bed, I get kicked, punched, poked all night long. Guess who gets accused of being grumpy!!! LOL. It is just better for our marriage and relationship to sleep separately.
KitchenKop says
Jackie, you know there are homeopathic remedies for that, right?
Kelly
Amy says
No, we don’t. My husband sleeps in the guest room due to his frequent night time tossing and turning and getting up really early. I’m a light sleeper and it just wasn’t working. 🙁
Mary P says
We stopped sleeping in the same bed for similar reasons many years ago. Both of us felt a lot of freedom in it because neither wanted to admit that all the disturbances were a burden to the other. We started sleeping together again when we moved to a new house and realized that we really liked sleeping in different rooms and we both get better sleep so we both feel better, so we switched back to two bedrooms. I know a woman where she and her partner live next door to one another and it works out great. I don’t know if I’d like that arrangement, but there are moments when it sounds real good, haha! After retirement because there is so much more togetherness it’s nice to have your own space, I think it’s healthy.
KitchenKop says
Interesting about living next door!!!! I like Kent too much to want him that far away, most days anyway, lol. 🙂
Kelly
Laurie says
We sleep together about 40% of the time and yes I feel sad about it. But proper sleep is very important and our situation is pretty much a duplicate of yours. It is more my husband’s sleep issues than mine.
Kris Slager says
We’ve been sleeping in the same bed for 27 years. There was a time that I booted him out of bed almost every night because of his snoring but I have one thing to say about that: CPAP! We found his snoring was because of severe apnea. After sleep studies and the correct CPAP machine for him, he finally gets REAL sleep … and so do I! We both sleep like the dead so even if we get up at different times or wake up at night to go to the bathroom, neither hears the other so it’s all good. 🙂
Personally, I don’t know of anyone other married couples who sleep in separate beds so I didn’t really think it was a “common” option! I suppose as long as both partners are content with it and make it work (and everybody gets sleep!), you do what you have to.
Holly says
It’s actually quite common. People just don’t talk about it because too many others will raise their eyebrows and think it automatically is “trouble.”
Sarah says
Such a difficult topic! We sleep together about 70% of the time. I get up very early; he goes to bed very late. I started sleeping with my head towards the foot of the bed so the snoring wouldn’t be in my ear. Our house has crazy tilted floors our bedroom being the worst one and it puts me on the best angle for the tilt (next year’s project to fix!). We all need our sleep and need to find what works best for each couple. The thought of it being less than that throws me into a panic which seems ridiculous.
Maggie Culver says
We used to sleep separately because of his snoring. But after about 10 years of this, he got a cpap and now we share a bed again.?. He has gotten used to me going to sleep to music and he doesn’t mind that I have to have the fan on all night so I can cool myself quickly when I get a hot flash. We’re both happier with our sleeping arrangements now! (Although there was an adjustment period!)