I agree with most of the information that was shared in tonight's Urban Homemaker phone seminar, but I do disagree with a few things. Be sure to take a look at that post first (at the link above), so you understand what prompted the following ramblings.
- I totally agree that parents know what is best for their babies and that it is up to US to gather information, and most of all PRAY, so we are equipped to do what is right for our children.
- I also agree that parents need to “run” the household, not children. But I'm referring more to toddlers and older kids, and I'm thinking of the families you see on those nanny shows, where the kids have the parents wrapped around their little fingers and the home is in chaos. Not good. Healthy discipline is necessary, period.
- However, regarding getting them onto a schedule as newborns: we have four children, and our youngest is only 2 1/2, so a lot of this is still fairly fresh in my mind. I strongly advocate listening to your baby and meeting their needs, as that is what mothers (and fathers) are for! I never wanted to be tied down by schedules, and didn't see the reason for it. My baby went wherever I did for the first few months (which felt like a very natural way to mother a baby), and if he was hungry, I fed him. I never paid attention or cared about the clock. Did I JUMP every time my baby made a noise? No, especially not for our last one! But I always listened to him – mothers quickly learn all the different sounds our babies make and which ones mean you may need to let them fuss a little and which ones mean they need us. If I knew he needed me, I wanted to help him. That is our God-given instinct as mothers. If he was hungry after two hours instead of four, I'd feed him! Yes, it might throw me off with my to-do list for the moment, and it wasn't always easy, especially when they're really little, but I always knew how quickly this stage would pass and that it was the right thing to do. I also think it gives them a real sense of security in their world. Their little tummies can't always wait four hours (or overnight!) when they're so little, and I just didn't see any need to make him wait, when I knew I had exactly what he needed. That's not to say I could always go to him right when he needed me, but I did my best. And I didn't feel guilty if I was helping another child or in the middle of something and he had to cry for a little bit, but I certainly never made him wait just because it hadn't been the full four hours yet.
- When it comes to Mom's being exhausted with newborns who wake up a lot in the night, I have a suggestion for a very natural way to mother your baby and be completely rested in the morning: let your baby sleep next to you and nurse them when needed. Now, I know this may not work for everyone, but it was great for us, and this is why:
- My husband never moves much in the night, so I didn't have to worry about him rolling onto the baby. He hardly ever even woke up when we were nursing. If you're not sure, probably don't try this just to be safe.
- Kent also loved having our babies right next to us – I know what you're thinking, but there were plenty of other times we could be alone together.
- I had the pillows arranged in a way that was very comfortable, and this way I could nurse him and sleep in a safe position that would prevent me from rolling if I got into a deep sleep – it was physically impossible the way I had the pillows and the position I was in. Besides, the stories you hear of women who suffocate their babies are usually those who were under the influence of something.
- I had a Co-Sleeper
next to our bed (like a pack & play, but it attaches up even with your bed – it's expensive but well-worth the money for the sleep!), so if after he drifted back off to sleep I wanted to change positions, I'd just slide him over and go back to sleep. When he needed me again, I'd bring him back next to me, arrange my pillows, and we'd both go peacefully back to sleep. You'd be surprised how easy and effortless this became, so I hardly even woke up much, which is why I literally never felt tired during the day. I could wake up and be ready to take care of the baby, our other kids, my day care kids, and keep up with all the other stuff around the house, too!
- I kept diapers nearby in case he filled one, but diapers are very absorbent, and usually one would last all night.
- This was so much nicer than having to get up out of my warm bed, go get him, and by then he'd be really worked up and crying and wouldn't settle back down easily, then sit in a cold uncomfortable chair to nurse him for who knows how long, then try to get him to lay back down in bed without waking up again…what a pain all of that would be!
- This always just felt so right, that's the best way I can describe it to you. Our baby was content, my husband and I were content, the other kids didn't have an exhausted, ornery Mom the next day. It all just makes sense and worked for us.
next to our bed (like a pack & play, but it attaches up even with your bed – it's expensive but well-worth the money for the sleep!), so if after he drifted back off to sleep I wanted to change positions, I'd just slide him over and go back to sleep. When he needed me again, I'd bring him back next to me, arrange my pillows, and we'd both go peacefully back to sleep. You'd be surprised how easy and effortless this became, so I hardly even woke up much, which is why I literally never felt tired during the day. I could wake up and be ready to take care of the baby, our other kids, my day care kids, and keep up with all the other stuff around the house, too!- I'm going to have to comment more on Dr. Denmark's food plan in another post (it's 1:25 am right now and I can't think straight anymore!), but as you probably guessed, I am in agreement with Marilyn about pasteurized dairy being the likely culprit with those health issues that go away when dairy is cut from the diet. Read more here on the benefits of raw milk and issues to do with its safety. Milk is so good for us and raw milk especially. When my son weaned himself (when HE was ready, which was about 14-16 months), he went to raw milk in a cup. I didn't give him solids until he was old enough to sit up and started acting interested in what we were eating (6-8 months). Then I'd give him gently cooked egg yolks (a superfood, especially from pastured chickens), or other soft or pureed foods of whatever we we eating. He had very little baby food from a jar, and if he did, it was only organic. It was a very natural process for him to slowly start eating table food, on his schedule, not mine, and it was all stress-free. Here's a great resource for healthy foods to give your baby and other children, too. And all I can tell you is that eating the way you'll read about at that link has been great for our family in many ways, but I definitely notice a difference in our youngest. (And we certainly don't eat perfectly, as I've mentioned here in the past.) All our kids have been fairly easy as babies, but we always told people that he “wins the prize” for the easiest, most good-natured baby of them all. I truly believe that their diets can make a world of difference in many areas.
- I agree with most of what was said about vaccines, although I think they should be much older than 5 months before they get any shots (until their little brains are more developed), and even then only the ones you have researched and really think they need. That's a topic for another post, too, I struggled with that issue a lot when I was pregnant last, and I'll share what I came up with one of these days. Update: How we came to our personal vaccination choices: Part 1: Vaccination safety issues and the 7 factors that led to our decisions. Part 2: Our 5-part plan for vaccinations and how do school exemptions work?
- I'd love to hear what you think about all of this! Please comment below!
More you might like:
- Read this guest post from my friend, Sue, on natural, healthy, green mothering
- The Joys & Struggles of Breastfeeding (It's all worth it, trust me!)
- GREAT article from Weston A. Price
- Look over the list of articles at this link all about Children's Health.
- Notes from the last Urban Homemaker phone seminar
- Are you pregnant or nursing? Be sure to eat lots of eggs and take your cod liver oil! This is so important for your baby's brain! (Then when they're old enough, be sure to give them eggs & cod liver oil, too!)
- More on Fluoride Safety
KitchenKop says
Em, this is so sad!! I’ll say a prayer that she is open to listening to you and that maybe she’ll read my post.
Kelly
Em says
hi kelly – i was glad to find your site. I have a friend who is a brand new mom and is intent on using Dr. Denmark’s methods. She is prone towards fanaticism and she has latched on to the only feeding every 4 hours and the no feeding from 10pm to 6 am part of the plan. Her baby is only 6 pounds at birth and cries all night. I am really worried. My husband is a nurse and we are both very concerned. I feel she is hurting her milk supply and her baby. No one can seem to convince her not to listen to Dr. Denmark as if she was some sort of prophet. I honestly like a lot of what dr. denmark recommends – but the feeding stuff is so out there (for a mom who has successfully and happily breastfed 2 babies) that I am not sure I can trust anything the woman says. Thanks for your comments and I will try to get my friend to listen to them. Any other suggestions?
'Becca says
Great article! I’m so glad to see you supporting co-sleeping as the natural thing to do.
For my family, it’s worked really well to have the family bed in the kid’s room and keep the master bedroom for parents’ private time. Both parents slept with the baby during the first month or so, when he needed a lot of attention during the night and was nursing so much that I needed his dad to bring me snacks in the night! At the point when his nighttime needs were mainly nursing and he could do that with me lying down, his dad started to sleep in the master bedroom most of the time. Click my name for more details.
KitchenKop says
Hi Nicole,
Yep, all new comments get emailed to me, so I’ll always see them. 🙂
Good questions! These details are important!
OK, I had a co-sleeper (see link in #4 above to look at it) and it was SO worth the money. My husband rarely moves at night, so I didn’t have to worry about him rolling on the baby. If I was nursing on the left side, the baby was between us, if I was on my right, the baby was on the bed next to me, but the co-sleeper was right there so there was no danger of her/him falling off if they wiggled over once we both fell back asleep.
In the beginning they always poop a lot, and I’d keep diapers and wipes right there and got good at doing it quickly and either wash my hands with a wipe, or get up just for a sec to wash. I *always* slept with a nightlight so I could see if we DID need to do a diaper change, and also to make it easier to help the baby latch on in the night when neither of us were paying much attention.
Burping: I’ve never been one of those moms who just *has* to get a burp from them. Now, if I had a gassy baby, or one who spit up more without burping, then I probably would, but my babies always just burped when they needed to without much help.
Getting comfortable with this takes a little practice, and also you’ve got to figure out how to get those pillows just right, so that you’re not contorting yourself in an awkward position while nursing. Get the pillows arranged so that you’re totally relaxed and can drift back off to sleep once your baby is latched on.
Such special memories – our baby is 4 now, and I couldn’t be more thankful that we found this super easy and sweet way to do night feedings.
Feel free to ask me any other questions! 🙂
Nicole says
Kelly,
I don’t even know if you read comments on older posts, but thought I’d give it a shot. Thanks for all you do for us readers!
I have expermimented with cosleeping with our second baby. She is a doll, but I have some technical issues. 🙂 Did you worry about burping them after a night nursing? Did your babies really never have BMs at night? Our little angel sometimes goes with each feeding, and it seems so awful to get up, get her undressed and cold, and bundled back up again. Did the babies sleep between you and hubby? Or between you and the edge of the bed (next to a wall or something?)
Thanks for any tips!!
Kelly says
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, everyone. 🙂
If you haven’t let us know what you think yet, please do!
tribal talk says
I started reading Dr. Denmark after my second child was born and I found her a great help. Her advice is practical and I think, very knowledgeable. Of course, every child/parent are different and need to do what is best for their child. In particular, Dr. Denmark’s advice on how to treat various ailments is invaluable. I pretty much follow her advice and it works for us every time!
tribal talk
Kristin says
As with LN above, I tried to schedule my first and keep her in the crib. Finally, my husband said, “Just put her in bed with us.” and we’ve had little ones there ever since. I put the blame for this on a book I had read titled “Babywise”. Terrible. I would NEVER recommend it.
I agree with all your comments, Kelly.
If baby animals know when they need to eat (do sheep use clocks?), and what to eat, why wouldn’t infants?
Local Nourishment says
I tried. I really did try with my oldest to do the scheduling and the separate sleeping. I was frustrated because I was a slave to the schedule, and exhausted all the time! My children always scheduled themselves on a very regular pattern, but it was their schedule, not one put upon them by convenience or mandate.
While we discuss traditional diets, let’s remember that there are few things more traditional for a new parent than co-sleeping. It is common practice all over the world. (I’m pretty sure that Adam didn’t build a cradle in a separate room for his boys!)
Local Nourishment
Kelly the Kitchen Kop says
Hi Sharon,
I think it’s awesome that you gave it a shot anyway. You never know, maybe the next person, or the person after that who mentions it to them will make them think, “Hmm, there might be something to this…”
Kelly
Sharon says
It’s kind of frustrating getting the Dr. Denmark crowd to acknowledge that raw milk is a totally different substance from cooked milk. I have Mrs. Bowman’s book about Dr. Denmark. A lot of attention is given to the iron absorption issues with “milk.”
When I emailed the Bowmans to maybe inform? argue? whatever, they were pretty much walking with blinders according to Dr. Denmark’s Doctrine of milk. It was very discouraging, especially with so much information to the contrary on raw milk. I had to pick my way all the way through the book to find ideas I could use.
Kelly says
Hi Chantal,
Sometimes when teething I’d give my babies a cold, wet washcloth to bite on. Also, can you find Hylands teething tablets near you? These are all natural pain-relief teething tablets for babies and worked well for my kids. One more thing, this sounds nuts, but if you have an old Tylenol infant drops bottle – the ones with the rubber dropper top – I would screw that on really tight so there was no chance of them getting it open, and they loved to bite on that. It was hard and rubbery and must have felt good.
Hope that helps!
Kelly
Chantal says
Kelly, I agree 100% wiith you about the co-sleeping. My 3 month old is 100% breastfead.
I wonder if you have any tips for teething. My daugther started already and she wont put anything in her mouth but my breast. Ive tried gently rubbing her gums with my fingers. Got any more tips?
Anonymous says
Kelly,
Having skimmed through your transcript of the seminar I am in agreement with your comments. The same kinds of thing bothered me. Glad you posted your thoughts.
JEnnifer in PA
Nicole says
Cosleeping along with breastfeeding was one of the most natural things that just happened while parenting my babies. Everyone sleeps! Sure sometimes others thought we were crazy for doing it but hey we were all getting sleep,safe and happy. 🙂 Those special cuddles don’t last forever either.