How do you handle sibling teasing/nit-picking?
How do you motivate your kids when they aren't getting their work done? I'm already sick of using constant threats (they never seem to move until there's a threat involved! Yes, I know, that must mean that I've trained them to be this way…), I can't imagine how much more I'll need to threaten this or that once we begin this in the fall. HELP!
UPDATE: I'd still love to hear what techniques you've used successfully, but I've been doing a few things so far this summer (ok, only one day) that seem to be working…
We've got a chart that tells them what they must do before playing each day. Sounds simple, but it's nice so they know without needing me to wake up and tell them. (Perfect for when I work late at night and want to sleep in!) So today they got up and read for a half-hour, picked up the house, and did their chore all before I woke up at 8:30. Next week we're adding a little bit of math, once I figure out what to have them do, that is. If they don't do their list, they have clear consequences already set up ahead of time. It takes a little thinking ahead, but it's worth it.
Here's the other thing that Kent started doing and it works great: When there are ANY sibling issues, BOTH of them go sit on their beds for a while. No more figuring out “who started it”. That has worked out so well and things are much more peaceful around here!
Please let us know your best parenting tips!
Top photo credit: https://www.flickr.com/photos/clairity/
Kelley Palomino says
I like it Anna- I will be using your tip.
As for us, I’m a work from home mom as well as home school. We have 5 ages 10 to 4 and we live on a mini farm with dairy goats and chickens.
Our kids have far more chores than their friends but its truly good for them.
Up until about 6 months ago I was having so much trouble with them “knowingly avoiding” their daily task till lunch… that I changed the rules and it WORKED.
The rule is no breakfast till the AM chore is done. Then…no lunch till school is done….mind you these are things they CAN accomplish in short order.
Even my 4 year old understands. If they break the rule, they know the consequence.
I try to keep it all the rules & consequences easy and written so I DONT FORGET what goes with what on the “if /then” rule chart.
Everyone does the SAME chore each day. I may change it in a year? who knows. I add on responsibilities as the younger ones get bigger but the older 3 have set chores each day. (Avoids the arguing over who’s chore it was and ME from having to remember)
I have extra chores that they can do for me (over and above normal stuff) that they can do to earn money when ever they want. A point each chore (3 for special ones- or “moms choice”) -when they reach 12 points they get 3.00
This WORKS for me…and is the only one so far that has.
Now that so many are doing computer courses I had to lay out a schedule for the computer. I do my work in the evening. Wouldn’t trade the crazy days with everyone home with me for a million bucks!
Hope this helps!
Anna Heitkemper says
We use laps to the end of the back yard for standard sibling issues, backtalk, etc. Especially for the boys, it helps get out that energy and then they can *hopefully* control themselves. I sometimes ask them if they will control themselves or if I have to. We call it “discipline training”, where they have to stand in the middle of the room with their arms straight out or straight up. This works in the car as well, especially with “he touched me” or “he/she looked at me” (We drive an 8 person minivan with all seats full, including 1 carseat and 1 booster seat, so they are in very close quarters).
Kimberly says
Good resources for this issue are: doorposts.com, they have 4 very helpful charts you can purchase to help mold character and read the scriptures pertaining to the “offense”.
And NoGreaterJoy.org. These are the Pearls. I love the Pearls. They have raised 5? kids of their own and homeschooled all of them. They have written several books on child training as well as other topics. But their child training books are so wonderful. The first one is To Train Up a Child, the next ones are No Greater Joy Volumes 1, 2, and 3. These are THE resources for this issue you asked about.
I will tell you, there is a lot of controversy surrounding the Pearls. They are a no-holds-barred sort of people who are not going to sugar coat anything for you. They are blunt and tell you exactly like it is. And their methods of child training are not for wimps either. These things do not bother me. I like to be told the truth and I would rather cut to the chase than beat around the bush anyway. I have read their child training books and some other of their material, and I LOVE it all. Comparing what they are saying to other child training books, such as The Toddlerhood Transition by Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo and Bringing Up Boys by James Dobson, I see that all resources are saying the same thing, only in different words and in their different tones. The Toddlerhood Transition would be a better resource for the more “faint of heart”, for example, simply because these authors are more soft spoken than the Pearls.
Anyway, there you have it. Check it out for yourself.
Peggy says
Use team-building exercises. Call yourself the team. Refer to team members. Make up a family team cheer. Encourage each other like they are trying to win the same game you are. Read what the great coaches have to say about team building.
As for the chores, work yourself out of a job. Give kids responsibility and train them to take charge of those things. Don’t get into the habit of reminding. If it’s on the chore chart, they should consult that, NOT YOU. It only takes one or two times hearing, “Oh, John is at the door. Too bad you can’t go with him to the pool because your chores aren’t done. Maybe next time.”
Our Small Hours says
Yeah, if they are over the age of 5-6, stay out of it. I reflect the feelings of my boys, but I don’t pass judgement on who was right or wrong.
Last summer, however, I got so annoyed with my oldest (then 9) and my youngest (then 5) and their sibling stuff that I (loosely) tied their ankles together and had them spend a couple of hours together that way. They learned a lot about team work and were giggling together not more than 10 minutes in.
Keeping my guys busy and having a daily quiet time seems to help around here. They don’t fight unless my youngest is bored. True story. If he’s busy, life is peaceful. lol
About not wanting to do things . . . I find when it’s simply part of our daily routine, they don’t complain. They know what they have to do, they do it and move on so that they can get to other things they enjoy doing.
Really, I think you’ve got it! The not getting involved in sibling stuff and the chart that lets them know what has to be done works well for us, too.