And don’t trot out that tripe about lives being ruined or children being abused. The actual abused children in foster care are adopted at far lower rates than the newborn infants of women who are simply disadvantaged, not proven abusers yet; and any life can be “ruined” whether or not children are present in that life. Life is what you make of it.

Babies know when they are no longer with their mothers, so infant adoption doesn’t exactly benefit them either. No matter the age of the child at adoption, overwhelmingly, adopted kids have worse mental health outcomes than children allowed to grow up within their original families.

I’ll say it again: If you can’t have your own, too bad. You have no right to anyone else’s child. Adoption is not a solution to unwanted pregnancy, and shouldn’t be touted as one.

Mind you, I don’t think disadvantaged women should be encouraged to abort, either. I’m absolutely pro-choice but that’s my point–if one is economically or socially coerced into aborting, that ISN’T a choice.

I’d rather be someone who knew what she was getting into and had some experience before settling down. Your mileage may vary, and that’s fine for you…but doesn’t the Bible talk about judging others, too? ‘Cause I’m seeing a LOT of that here.

As a 29 y/o single female who has managed to abstain but hasn’t always made the right choice…the truth is, if you keep yourself out of “those” types of situations, the ones God tells you to stay out of…keeping yourself pure can happen.

And don’t forget, when we mess up God shows us grace! That doesn’t mean to go out an make mistakes just to get the grace either. Guilt and shame are terrible to carry around, especially when freedom is so available!

Feminism has gotten a bad wrap in the Christian realm, but it really IS supposed to be treasuring and taking care of women, not this anti-God pro-sensuality anti-male modern feminist garbage that it is often made out to be.

I find it almost comical (if not tragic) that people list STDs, teen pregnancy, and the heartbreak of dealing with both; and yet anti-abstinence advocates still only focus on the “religious” reasons for purity. Here are the facts: Condoms can be as little as 68% effective in the prevention of STDs…32 % ineffective is not a margin of “security” with which I could EVER be comfortable. Birth control can do such horrible things to your body (I know, I was on the Patch when dh and I got married b/c we wanted to wait a year to have kids…ridiculous) with possible consequences of continual hormonal imbalance when it is no longer being used (in addition to potential for major weight gain…who wants that??). So if all your options for “protection” are both not foolproof and can have painful and uncomfortable side effects, why do anti-abstinence advocates ALWAYS say the choice for abstinence is religious dogma?!

Secondly, there are plenty of men out there who “get” and “embrace” following God and His plan for us as humans, and who desire women to be modest and chaste. They aren’t all the pigs you made them out to be, leaving women in the dust to “always bear the brunt of responsibility when it comes to sexual issues like modesty, virginity, adultery, abortion, rape, childbirth, even working outside the home”.

Thirdly, I agree that many children grow up in homes that are less than ideal for exhibiting good marriages. But the fact remains that God hates divorce, and we as humans need to rise above our humanness, get less selfish, and work toward unity in our relationships. Yes, there are extreme cases of abuse, etc, and I am not speaking of these issues. I am talking about everyday marriages that don’t work hard enough to choose to love each other; those that don’t communicate well, and therefore pass on less than exemplary relationships. We need God’s grace to help in our marriages, and be confident that our children will do better than we did, just as we have done better than our parents. We are not called to be perfect, and no one here has said that just because someone chooses to remain a virgin until marriage s/he won’t have baggage from childhood. However, giving ourselves wholely, physically and spiritually ,as we do in sexual intercourse, means we give a part of ourselves to that person. The two become one. So, we come into the beautiful act of marriage broken, if we have premarital sex. That is why there are many “nice, well-meaning guys who are perfectly happy to let you be a doormat if you eagerly offer”: the very women who desire to be respected aren’t allowing men around them to respect them because they will give themselves away too easily. Feminism has done the exact opposite for women than what was intended in the first place. We are more degraded and less respected than previous generations, because we have beat down the very men whom we want to respect us.

So, let the men open your doors, it doesn’t mean you are weak or the “lesser sex”. It means letting men be our knights of chivalry that they are meant to be.
Sue E.

I’ll tell you my own personal situation, since I’m sure someone is dying to tell me how it proves that I am wrong about tolerance.

I did not wait until marriage, despite being raised catholic and having a very real fear and shame put into me about sex. In hindsight, the fiance I lost my virginity to was a very manipulative, selfish person who would have made my life a misery had I actually married him, and the truth is that I never would have known what a terrible husband he would have made because of course I had no personal experience with intimate male/female relationships and I assumed that this was how boyfriends were supposed to act (and no, I did not learn this from my parents either, as they were die-hard catholics who vowed “’til death”, even if it meant one would probably kill the other).

For me, not having the knowledge of what true marital intimacy was caused me a lot more suffering than the subsequent broken hearts I experienced in relationships both sexual and non-sexual. I don’t know where some people get the idea that you cannot have a broken heart or “baggage” if you don’t have sex, or even kiss. I can assure you, it can happen!

My previous sexual relationships gave me confidence to know that what I desired for myself was worth pursuing and attaining, independent of what I could offer to someone else. Before this, I found out that there are plenty of nice, well-meaning guys who are perfectly happy to let you be a doormat if you eagerly offer.

I agree with the first girl who posted (Laryssa) on kissing and how it leads to more. The word “Kiss” in Greek actually means to start a fire (I believe). My husband and I had our first kiss at our wedding 4 years ago. I’m so glad that when it comes to sex or even just kissing, I don’t have anyone else to compare him to. He’s absolutely amazing to me!