Sitting down to write this post today isn't what I feel like doing. Since we've been home from Kent's Dad's funeral, I haven't felt like doing much of anything actually. (Read my post here about Ron's passing.) There are piles everywhere and computer work to do, but I must still be in a funk. I remember the feeling from when my Dad died 14 years ago. My mind drifts to the stories everyone shared, the laughs and special family time throughout the week, and the beautiful funeral Mass. All of that is mixed together with a deep sadness that Ron's no longer with us, yet an unbelievable peace knowing he's in heaven and we'll see him again.
His was a life well-lived. My sister-in-law, Maureen, said at the Scripture service that she was thankful for the way Ron always treated Mary Ellen with love, honor and respect, and how thankful she, Susie, Leigh and I are for that example because that's how his sons treat us. (I forgot to tell you in last week's post that they'd been married fifty years.) Kraig got up to say that since he's the youngest, he more than the others got to hear how proud his mom and dad always were of the other four, but of course they've always felt the same about Kraig, too. Kevin, the oldest, said in his eulogy, “Everyone thought their Dad was the strongest and bravest person in the world, but we knew our Dad really was the strongest and bravest. If ever there was something we broke and couldn't fix, we knew Dad would be able to take care of it when he got home. And if ever you broke something that he couldn't fix, then you knew you were really in trouble.” 🙂 He also shared how they saw their Dad on his knees praying every night by his bed. He had a quiet but strong faith. Another thing so moving was learning that there were two separate occasions the boys remember of when Ron ran into burning barns (not his own) to make sure there was no one in there and to get the livestock out. He was tough but also had the biggest, most tender heart.
One thing that touched Kent and I deeply was how many of our friends and family came, there were over forty people there to support us — only my family and a couple friends had ever even met Ron. (A few more tried to come but a snowstorm hit at the same time.) This brings tears to my eyes every time I think of it. It's amazing how much these things mean to you in a time like this. We've had friends bringing meals and offering to take us out, others sending flowers and cards, and we just feel really loved. I can't even believe how blessed we are to both have such amazing, close families, but also a family of friends who are there for us no matter what.
I've already rambled on too much, but as long as I'm all mushy today, I'll also tell you that I feel very blessed for all of you, my reader friends, who I feel a strong connection to, even though most of you I may never meet in person. Many of you commented or sent personal emails with your sympathy, and I know many more said a prayer for us. So now, as much as it feels good to keep reflecting on the week, I know I need to get back to it. Thankfully I love writing here on the blog, and hopefully it helps, at least in a small way, to bring you and your family toward better health as we head into 2013. Because after God and our relationships with those we love, our health is the next most important gift, I think you'll all agree. While we never know when or how we'll be called from this world, surely we're supposed to take good care of our bodies until then!
- Since today is the last day of 2012, hopefully you will tell us, what are your New Year resolutions?!
- Mine is to get back OFF THE SWEETS, it's definitely time! And also to get back to being consistent (again) with my cod liver oil. (Where to find safe cod liver oil.)
- What are you making for your New Year's Eve shindig tonight? I'm making this fresh salsa (served with organic corn chips to avoid GMOs) and one other appetizer, I'm not sure which one yet. Maybe this: Stephan’s Cucumber Garlic Radish Dip – and I'll go get a bag of those brown potato chips (made with only palm oil!) to serve it with, yum! Don't you just love the brown chips?!
- Do you want to see my new FAV kitchen tool? It's a Milk Frother – I'll tell you more in an upcoming post, but for now let's just say it's made my morning coffee DREAMY.
- I haven't mentioned the horrific school shootings here on the blog yet because I just didn't know what to say. What can you say?! But a couple blogging friends have tackled the topic and I thought you might want to take a look. Both cover the issue of the connection with anti-anxiety medicines, so first you may want to read the guest post Jill wrote for my blog on Treating Anxiety and Depression Naturally. A couple more on this topic: Going Off Paxil and My All-Natural Chill Pill. Here's Heather's post: Medications and Mass Shootings. One thing I think is important to mention, though, is that I don't believe the medicines are the main factor in those that commit such horrible crimes, even if they are a common denominator. There must be other issues at play in a person like this — connections that weren't made or brain imbalances that predispose them to this kind of violence. There are a lot of people taking these types of meds nowadays, and while it's obviously not ideal, and it could very well be what pushes a predisposed person to the edge, I just don't think it could be the sole cause or something that could make the average person go this bad, do you?
- So then a reader sent me the following (thanks Jennifer!), which was written before the Newton shootings, but either way it's clearly NOT the answer: Massachusetts city announces: turn in your guns, get a free flu shot! “So here's how it works: You locate a firearm that might protect you from violent crime or even a runaway criminal government someday, and you bring it to the police department. Then they destroy your gun and in return for this, they assault you with mercury-laced vaccines and call it “even.” What I'm trying to figure out here is how stupid the local Massachusetts government officials must be to think that residents will somehow figure this exchange is a good deal. It's kind of like being offered something like: “You give me all your money, and I'll punch you in the face. Deal?”
New Year photo
Have a great week!
Jo says
I think its one of those chicken and egg situations – its like saying that you should avoid hospitals since most people die in them. People with agression/anxiety and whatever other behavioural defect leads to such violence are likely to be medicated due to the underlying issue. If you are balanced and healthy and lucky enough to not need medications you are also less likely to be of the sort to commit a violent crime. Dont blame the meds – its possible they are actually reducing the severity and possibly the incidences of violence.
IC says
I do blame the meds. If they work, then people who take them wouldn’t feel worse 25% of the time or suffer terribly from withdrawal. How is that helping someone? (Not even expecting a cure here.) Have they decreased the instance of mental illness in the US? No. I really recommend “Mad in America” where Dr Whitaker gives us the stats that show people treated for mental illness were more likely to recover pre chemical-era treatment. They were more likely to recover when given time to convelesce, given nourishing food, treated with dignity and given the chance for meaningful activities (such as gardening.) And the side effects of the drugs – suicidal ideation, violent behavior, etc., you bet I blame the drugs. Yes, there have and will always be a segment of society that will suffer a break from which they will not recover, but very mildly depressed people are being thrown handfuls of these drugs without a thought. Children too. How can anyone give a developing brain mind altering drugs? There is no testing on kids, we have no idea of the long term effects and they are stuck being chemically lobotomized guinea pigs. And the drugs don’t seem to help the acutely ill, either. There are scores of stories of people who are bipolar or schizophrenic who talk about how terrible they feel on the medication, not themselves, with uncontrolled movement and outbursts. I also recommend “Confessions of an Rx drug pusher.”
Karen says
I’m surprised no one has mentioned this, but the picture of the shooter in Newtown shows a person who was obviously malnourished. His face looks almost skeletal. While I do believe that anti-anxiety meds contribute to changing people’s personalities, sometimes for the worse, I also think that a chronically malnourished person + environmental toxins + psychosomatic drugs can equal disaster.
Commenter via Facebook says
It does say it increases suicidal thoughts in some people, homicide is just the extroverted version of that
Commenter via Facebook says
I wouldn’t doubt it
Commenter via Facebook says
I have witnessed a very passive older depressed man become agitated, escalating to horrible verbal aggression saying bizarre violent threats. After taken off (I think was) Paxil, he returned to quite, polite behavior. If he had remained on the drug I have no doubt physical violence would have occurred.
Commenter via Facebook says
Absolutely they CAN. Big pharma doesn’t want u to know this though! 😉
Commenter via Facebook says
I believe it’s more than just anti anxiety meds. Many other meds intended for other purposes also have behavioral effects. Chantix for example, is a medication used to help people quit smoking. Here are some of the side effects: ” Stop using this medication and call your doctor at once if you have any mood or behavior changes, confusion, anxiety, panic attacks, hallucinations, extreme fear, or if you feel impulsive, agitated, aggressive, restless, hostile, depressed, hyperactive (mentally or physically), or have thoughts about suicide or hurting yourself.”
“Your family or other caregivers should also be alert to changes in your mood or behavior.” So, even people who do NOT have any mental issues run the risk of developing mental issues as a side effect of medications such as this.
Commenter via Facebook says
The side effects on the drugs says it can lead to violence, suicide etc. Maybe people should read the labels of the drugs before taking them. God has not given our bodies a sudden “drug deficiency” as our bodies require food chemicals to be healthy emotionally and physically. Maybe people should recognize the DEVIL in the American Murder Association (AMA) and the Federal Death Association (FDA).
IC says
Yes I do think the school shootings are rx related. We have had poor nutrition prior to mass shootings and other violence. Many of the shooters have friends and family who say they were never violent or gave any indication that they might turn violent. I wonder if the NYC nanny was recently put on meds. I have seen two friends put on SSRIs for minor depression and sent into mania as a result. Also, now we have bipolar in children – unheard of until very recently. This is a side effect of Ritalin as Dr Whitaker points out in “Mad inAmerica.” My heart is so heavy for these poor kids. I have seen angry, angry kids who are on Ritalin. They are smaller than their peers and often diabetic (another side effect of this drug.) We have so many on drugs and effective treatment for mental illness has a no better success rate today desire the drugs – but with far more side effects.
Kelly the Kitchen Kop says
Wow, that is really scary stuff…
Peggy says
We lost an uncle this week. He’d been in the hospital for 9 months and the doctors couldn’t figure out what was wrong with him. He’d go from just all-over extreme pain to catatonic. We will miss him, but we are all so relieved he is out of his torment.
I had a friend go into the hospital a couple months ago, a young woman about 25 years old. She had extreme pain and it took them two days to figure out it was her liver. But, they never figured out what was wrong with her liver. She spent a week in the hospital, just doped up on pain meds while the doctors scratched their heads.
This kind of thing makes me nuts. Hubby reminds me we’re only 150 years into modern medicine, but still…is it new diseases? Incompetent medical training? What’s the deal here?
Anyway, praying for you and yours, Kelly. Don’t let the grief surprise you. It could take a while, and that’s okay. Love ya!
Peggy says
Oh…2013. Right. Um, no resolutions. The only “new leaf” I’ve ever succeeded in turning was the one turned for me at Calvary. I’m writing down what I do well each day, forgiving my mistakes and seeking joy. That’s enough for one year!
Kristy says
My husband’s wonderful mother passed away at the end of October, so we are in the same boat. Christmas was bittersweet, and we still feel out of it. Nothing is the same. Sadness lingers and its hard to move forward. Thank God for the assurance of Heaven, but it doesn’t ease the grieving for what is (temporarily) lost. God bless us both.
LoriSm says
Hi Kelly,
I want to extend my deepest sympathy and condolences to you and your family. It is always so hard to lose a loved one, and especially when that loved one was such a strong and vibrant person in our inner circle. I know his (Ron’s) legacy lives on in his children and will be passed down to his grandchildren.
I lost a beloved great aunt on December 19, 2012, my biological mom (I have a step-mom) on January 29, 2012, my sister on September 1, 2011, and my (step) brother on April 6, 2009. I also lost and uncle in June of 2008, and another uncle in 2007.
However, with all these losses, I count them gain, for every one of these people knew Jesus as their personal Lord and Savior. I am assured of their entrance into heaven because of their faith, and because I have this hope and fath myself, I am comforted knowing my loved ones are no longer suffering, have been made entirely whole, and are waiting on me when it is my turn to join them.
Yes, I miss them! But I am also so grateful I knew them, that God put us together as a family, and that by His grace, we all know His Son, the only one who can save mankind from their sins and give Eternal Life to those who accept Jesus as their Savior. I am at peace with all of their deaths, though my selfish side would like to have kept them around much longer.
I am especially grateful for the experiences surrounding my (step) brother’s illness (cancer of the lungs, metastisized to the bones) as I can see the lovingkindness and grace of God at work in my brother during his illness. My brother had rejected salvation, though he believed in God and Jesus, he had many weird ideas of his own from a secular standpoint. At just age 51, Scott did not want to die, he wanted to continue to live, but because of his intense alcoholism, he had refused to seek medical help when he thought he might have cancer, and it was not until he was spitting up blood when he coughed, that he sought out some medical care. The prognosis was in: he had 2-3 months to live.
His mother (my step-mom), a devout born-again Christian, continued to pray for him and tried to talk with him about the Lord. I tried. All was in vain. But as he sat day in and day out in his chair (he could not lay as the cancer was on both sides of his body and caused him too much pain upon laying), I know he must have been thinking about where he was headed, what was on the other side of death, and what his fate was going to be as he’d been raised up in the church and knew about heaven and hell.
His alcoholism continued until 5 days before his death. On that Wednesday, I’d poured him some liquor in a soda and he took a sip; it would be his last. He also smoked some of 3 cigarettes that day, and then his body refused anymore, though while he would be in his drug-induced sleep, his hand would often travel up to his mouth as though he were smoking. His body refused what it still craved and he acted out on these impulses.
On Thursday, my step-mom was still awake (I’d left at 2am and was back by 10am), as she’d been praying all night for the salvation of her son. The Holy Spirit had not allowed her to sleep, but had kept her up pleading for salvation. My step-mom had the deep need for her pastor to come and speak to her son, though the son had been adamant that he did not want to see this pastor. My step-mom was too emotional and asked if I would call the pastor and ask him to come that day or the next.
The pastor showed up 2 hours later, went in to speak to my brother, whom he knew, and as my step-mom and I stood in the doorway watching these proceedings, the pastor asked my brother if he’d like to be saved and he shook his head yes! My step-mom and I had tears of joy running down our face as we heard my brother speak the sinner’s prayer after the pastor! What joy and peace filled my soul as I saw God answer our prayers. My brother could die now and I would be at peace!
The following day, my brother was too weak to speak, though he could mouth words to us. He had been very adamant about the fact that he did not want to be asleep when he passed away. No drugs to put him to sleep, so on the following Monday (just 4 days after he accepted Jesus as his Savior), he had refused any and all medicines that day. I had tried to give him some morphine for pain, but he clenched his teeth, and what I got inside, he spit out onto his shirt. Okay, I gave up, I would no longer try to drug him for the pain. He knew, and we knew that his time was soon.
About 10:15 pm that night we watched as he looked up towards the ceiling above the window with a look of utter awe and child-like wonder at something we could not see, but he could, and he continued to have this awed look as we watched his spirit leaving his body. I watched in breathless anticipation and woonder as I knew he was seeing something so awesome and wonderful that it almost lit up his sickly, dull eyes. I am forever grateful for seeing my brother walk from this life into Eternity as I know that the Lord came to get him and my brother was awake to see it for himself. And we were witnesses to this phenomenon. It makes me smile remembering it.
When my sister passed, she was in a death-like coma, but her cat had been laying on her lap (my sister was also laying in a recliner), and the cat hissed slightly, then licked its paw and rubbed its right ear as though something had touched it, then hissed again loudly, jarring us, then jumped off of my sister’s lap. I went to check on my sister, and as I covered her very cold hands, I saw her mouth stop moving. I knew she was passing (and somehow, that cat knew it, too!), and ran off to get my brother-in-law. We got to see her take her last 3 breaths. But soon the dog came over and looked above where my sister had laid for the past 5 days and he began to bark furiously up at the ceiling as though he could see something he wanted. This went on for about 30 seconds, then he dropped his head, stopped barking, and walked back to his bed. We believe that possibly my sister was allowed to look down upon us before departing and her dog was able to see her.
Such awesome and lovely memories of two people whom I loved as much as life itself and their departure from earth to heaven. God gave us two fantastic gifts when they left us. I am ever grateful to God for the grace He bestows upon us.
I was not with my (maternal) uncle when he passed, but my aunt and some cousins (his daughters) were, and they have reported that my uncle said he could see Jesus waiting on him to take him home. He said this two days before he died. Awesome.
I share these stories to give you hope and comfort, Every death is different and unique, and every person has their own stories to tell. Other family members died quietly in their sleep with no fanfare to mark their going, but to have the gift of seeing my sister and brother pass with some fanfare, and to hear about my uncle’s visions (and he was in his right mind!), these are gifts so wonderful and special that God gave to our family and I am so grateful for them.
As you grieve the passing of Ron into heaven, not because you worry about him spiritually, but because you will miss his presence in your life, just remember that he now awaits for when God calls you home. We have the promise of this in Hebrews 9:1-27:
‘Then verily the first covenant had also ordinances of divine service, and a worldly sanctuary. For there was a tabernacle made; the first, wherein was the candlestick, and the table, and the showbread; which is called the sanctuary.
And after the second veil, the tabernacle which is called the Holiest of all;
Which had the golden censer, and the aark of the covenant overlaid round about with gold, wherein was the golden pot that had manna, and Aaron’s rod that budded, and the tables of the covenant; And over it the cherubims of glory shadowing the mercyseat; of which we cannot now speak particularly.
Now when these things were thus ordained, the priests went always into the first tabernacle, accomplishing the service of God. But into the second went the high priest alone once every year, not without blood, which he offered for himself, and for the errors of the people:
The Holy Ghost this signifying, that the way into the holiest of all was not yet made manifest, while as the first tabernacle was yet standing:
Which was a figure for the time then present, in which were offered both gifts and sacrifices, that could not make him that did the service perfect, as pertaining to the conscience; Which stood only in meats and drinks, and divers washings, and carnal ordinances, imposed on them until the time of reformation.
But Christ being come a high priest of good things to come, by a greater and more perfect tabernacle, not made with hands, that is to say, not of this building; Neither by the blood of goats and calves, but by his own blood he entered in once into the holy place, having obtained eternal redemption for us. For if the blood of bulls and of goats, and the ashes of an heifer sprinkling the unclean, sanctifieth to the purifying of the flesh: How much more shall the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself without spot to God, purge your conscience from dead works to serve the living God?
And for this cause he is the mediator of the new testament, that by means of death, for the redemption of the transgressions that were under the first testament, they which are called might receive the promise of eternal inheritance. For where a testament is, there must also of necessity be the death of the testator. For a testament is of force after men are dead: otherwise it is of no strength at all while the testator liveth. Whereupon neither the first testament was dedicated without blood. For when Moses had spoken every precept to all the people according to the law, he took the blood of calves and of goats, with water, and scarlet wool, and hyssop, and sprinkled both the book, and all the people, Saying, This is the blood of the testament which God hath enjoined unto you. Moreover he sprinkled with blood both the tabernacle, and all the vessels of the ministry. And almost all things are by the law purged with blood; and without ashedding of blood is no remission of sins.
It was therefore necessary that the patterns of things in the heavens should be purified with these; but the heavenly things themselves with better sacrifices than these. For Christ is not entered into the holy places made with hands, which are the figures of the true; but into heaven itself, now to appear in the presence of God for us: Nor yet that he should offer himself often, as the high priest entereth into the holy place every year with blood of others; For then must he often have suffered since the foundation of the world: but now once in the end of the world hath he appeared to put away sin by the sacrifice of himself. And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment: So Christ was once offered to bear the sins of many; and unto them that look for him shall he appear the second time without sin unto salvation.’
May God continue to comfort and soothe you with His words as you grieve, since His promises are always true and we can trust what God’s word says.
Many blessings for you and yours,
Lori
KitchenKop says
Lori, what a beautiful story, thank you for sharing with us and for your prayers. 🙂
Kelly
Synde says
This too is a hard time for me as I say “see you later” to my son who is deploying. Prayer and good friends and family get us through these times. We have to remember the good times and not dwell on the sadness.
Blessings to all this new year.
KitchenKop says
What’s his name so we can pray for him?
Please also pray for a good family friend, Kyle, who is in Afghanistan.
Kel
Synde says
His name is Jonathan. Thank you so much and I will pray for Kyle as well as your family’s loss of a good man, Ron. The world needs a lot more Ron’s.
Jill says
Oh, so true. A hefty, frequent dose of neurotoxins can’t be all that helpful to brain function. No country has ever vaccinated their babies and children with the number of vaccines that the U.S. now has on their schedule. It’s never been done before and we lead the world in the sheer volume of vaccines we give. No long studies have been done on the number and combinations that are given either–the population is the experiment.
Linda says
I agree. I also think the number of vaccines being forced on children (it’s getting to the point of being forced.) doesn’t help.
Jill says
Your analogy of the offer by the Massachusetts City Police Department is perfect! What a lose-lose “deal”! Think, people, think! Which brings me to another point that applies not only to the sense of growing mindlessness and the insane violence leading to tragedies such as school shootings…. I received Nutrition and Physical Degeneration for Christmas and though I’ve only skimmed through so far and looked at all the incredible photos, Dr. Price spends some time on the effects of malnutrition on the brain and behavior. He shows photos of several criminals that reveal certain facial/skull/jaw structural similarities that seem to correlate strongly with lack of nutrition. Although the rise in crazy, violent scenarios like we have seen recently are surely complex in whatever multiple factors are behind it, I do believe that our nation’s pathetic nutritional state (helped along by government policies on subsidizing junk food, persecuting small family farms providing real traditional foods, irresponsible agricultural/animal husbandry practices, and bogus USDA nutrition guidelines) is an important contributor.