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As fun as kids can be, do you sometimes feel, like I do, that they are full of demands and you don’t hear ‘thank you’ as often as you should? Shauna has written an interesting post at her blog, Musings of Home and Hearth. Take a look and let me know what you think.
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{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
Young kids aren’t wired to not be selfish. They are by their very nature totally absorbed with themselves. If you want to teach them to be unselfish, it isn’t about the choices you give them but the extent to which you have a loving relationship with them. If you love them, connect with them, and support them through their emotions, they will learn to do the same thing for themselves and with others.
If the problem is about control, then giving lots of open-ended questions is absolutely a bad way to go, especially with young children. Older kids can handle more open choices, but my preschooler needs limits. She needs to be guided and directed by me, not to create her own boundaries in her world. She is looking to find her own preferences and learn about who she is, and she can only do this within the limits I set for her. When she has limits, she feels safe enough to take steps out into the world, to make responsible choices, and to keep in mind the consequences of those choices. So I believe that kids do need lots of choices, but close-ended choices rather than open-ended ones, like “do you want to brush your teeth with the red or the blue toothbrush?” or “do you want a hamburger or chicken?”
I wrote a blog post on this basic idea if you are interested:
http://tinyurl.com/4e96sj
Jessica
http://www.practicalnourishment.com
Great advice, and I hope people check out your post – I loved it.
I agree for the most part, but what about children who absolutely refuse to eat “what’s for dinner” and if forced to take a bite actually throw it up? If they don’t eat anything (and waiting all night at the dinner table until they do eat doesn’t work either) — because he will choose to go hungry than to eat something he doesn’t like — then his behavior goes bizerk because of the fluctuation in blood sugar. I don’t know what to do with this except to give him something he will eat. Help?
JoAnna,
2 thoughts come to mind:
1. I believe that Dr. Natasha Campbell-McBride talks about this in her GAPS book (about “picky eaters”), I know this because she has mentioned it in her talks that I was at, but I haven’t gotten to that part yet myself in the book. (Here’s the post that talks about GAPS and where to get the book: http://kellythekitchenkop.com/2008/12/autismgapsother-disorders-more-info-on.html)
2. I would say that you could offer whatever you’re having, then maybe one other healthy option that you know he will eat. Through the next months/years, keep offering what you’re having, but don’t force it, and down the road those foods will become more familiar and he just might start trying them one day and surprising you. If you make a big fight out of it, that only puts more focus on food, or on his control issues. Try to completely back out of any argument about food. If he doesn’t want any of his choices you give him, matter-of-factly say, “OK, that’s your choice, do you want to work on a puzzle why we eat our dinner?” (I don’t know what age he is.) Only keep healthy options around, so if he heads for the frig or pantry, you won’t mind no matter what he comes out with. If you don’t let it be an issue, then he’ll soon decide to eat what is there I’ll bet. If you “make” him eat anything, he might hate that food the rest of his life.
I know you mentioned the blood sugar variations, but I still think he’ll eat when he gets hungry, and you just need to keep options around that you’re OK with.
I remember once as a kid playing around with the “bacon bits” and spilled tons on my salad. Dad made me eat them, and I hate them to this day. (Which is fine now, because those are gross, and I only make the real kind!)
Hope that helps,
Kelly
I lived in Nigeria for three years, and kids there are not picky because they simply have no choice. Parents don’t have the resources to cook more than one meal, so everyone HAS to eat the same thing. The kids KNOW this, so they eat up. And in eating, they learn to like the food. In contrast, our kids have access to so much food — if they don’t like what’s for dinner, they know there is yogurt or peanut butter in the fridge, etc., or that they can have extra eggs and toast at breakfast.
Another thing is that people in Nigeria don’t snack as much. I really feel that in North America we give kids way too many snacks. They get filled up, and don’t feel truly hungry at mealtime. WHy on earth do our kids have to be fed every couple of hours? I have friends who think their kids will collapse and die if they miss their snack. I do give my kids a small afternoon snack at 3:00, but never a morning snack.