What a sad thing when weight already becomes an issue at an early age.
This has become so common these days, it’s heartbreaking, and not just for the emotional aspects of it, also for the many health problems it can cause. Each situation is different, but if you have a child in your life that struggles with weight issues, here are some ways to help.
- Keep it as low key as you absolutely can, don’t let this begin a life of worrying about their weight. Avoid long conversations about their size, do not bring it up much (if at all), and try not to let them hear you lamenting about your weight or how you look. If they mention how they see themselves, reply matter-of-factly, “It’s good that you want to be healthy, I should eat better and get more exercise, too. For dinner, let’s try…(fill in the blank) and then go for a walk, doesn’t that sound like fun?!”
- If they ask for a snack, give them some cheese, a meat stick (we get ours at the farm), or other healthy snack options. Or just matter-of-factly say, “We’ll have dinner soon, why don’t you see if your friend can play until then?”
- Involve them in making dinner. I’ve heard kids are more apt to eat what they help make, and I’ve seen it myself with our kids – you could use this strategy when introducing new recipes or for getting them to eat more veggies. You could also take advantage of this time to talk about why you use foods with certain ingredients and avoid others, and help them learn about basic nutrition. Take them to the farm (or farm market) with you so they can see where healthy food comes from, or even better, grow a garden together!
- Find whatever it is that they’re good at and help them develop this skill or hobby more. It is inevitable, kids with weight issues are going to struggle with low self-esteem, at least to some degree, so confidence in some area of their life will be crucial.
- Quietly watch the portions, especially the carbs: breads, pasta, rice, potatoes, and sweets. When you know they’ve had enough, drum up some distractions and transition to something else fun – a puzzle, books, playing outside, or whatever works for your child. Maybe even bring it up before you eat, “after we’re done with dinner, we’re going to ….” and that could help to get the focus off food, too. Be careful with this one, though. If they start feeling deprived, you could cause more harm than good and turn food into an obsession. Keep it VERY low-key, and unless their weight is at a level you or your doctor are really concerned about, you may not even want to worry about this one much and focus more on getting them outside and active. (Especially if you’ve cut out the junk and are only giving them healthy foods – keep reading for more on that!)
- Absolutely NO TV’s or phones in their bedrooms! Possibly no video games there, either. Even better, no video games at all unless they’re ONLY a Wii-type of game where lots of motions are involved. This is a great way to get them moving! (Have you ever tried it? It’s fun, and I’ve had sore muscles the next day after playing!)
- Get moving together! You can’t just tell a kid who has always been more sedentary (or who isn’t in the habit of being on the move) to go exercise without joining in and making it fun. More ideas are in this exercise post for ways to work it into your life. We need them to see us enjoying being active. Unfortunately, kids are always watching… we have a responsibility to model healthy behavior, like it or not.
- Don’t have junk around the house, so there are fewer battles – they can’t hound you for what isn’t there. I can’t stress this one enough! Eventually they’ll find something else to eat and if only good choices are available, you’re ahead of the game. Trust me on this, it works. Not that you won’t hear complaints sometimes about how “there’s nothing good here to eat”, but even kids with houses full of junk use that complaint – it must be built into their wiring.
- Pack a lunch with them for school! This is very important. Read more at the school lunches post.
- One idea is to not have treats at home (or very few), but don’t make a big deal about it if you go out for ice cream or have another treat now and then. Also, if you do want to give them a sweet, make it homemade so you know what’s in it (and what’s not in it), and you can lower the amount of sugar in the recipe, use sprouted grains, etc.
- Read labels like crazy and avoid trans-fats and high fructose corn syrup like the plague! These have both been strongly linked with obesity, diabetes, and other health issues. Thankfully, these aren’t difficult to avoid anymore. Also, there are so many preservatives, fake colors and flavors in foods at the store, beware of these as well!
- Read this post about coconut oil & weight loss (this also explains which fats and oils to avoid), and be sure to read the related links at the bottom of this post.
- This post on cod liver oil explains all the benefits (don’t worry, you can take capsules instead of the oil), including how it helps to balance out the fatty-acid ratios in our bodies, which has been shown to reduce heart disease, diabetes & obesity. You and your kids should all be taking a daily dose!
- Get plenty of good fats and NO low-fat dairy! (Read this post about healthy milk for more info on why low-fat dairy is so unhealthy and also see the links below.) When their body gets what it needs, it will even out more and not store fat in “fear” that it won’t get more – this is a natural response in our body to store up for later. Also, enough healthy fats will fill them up more at mealtime so they’re less apt to bug you for a snack. If this one still doesn’t set right with you, read this article on healthy fats. (One more healthy dairy benefit: the calcium in milk is said to help the body regulate weight.)
- Lastly, other kids (or adults) can be cruel, as we all know, and your child is bound to hear about how they look from some little snot. Praise them for all their many wonderful qualities often (without being fakey or giving empty praise – kids see through that), and tell them how great you think they are and how much you love them. Be that safe person in their life who they can always come to when they’re sad. Let them know you understand how they feel, and share whatever it was that you were teased about as a kid (we’ve all got something). Role play with them and give them ideas for how to handle a similar situation in the future. (This also may be a good way to get them giggling a little and lighten up the issue for them a bit.) Most importantly, teach them about God’s unconditional love for each of us, no matter how we look!
I’m sure you all have more ideas, share a comment below!
If all this makes you feel overwhelmed, read these Rookie Tips as a place to start.
RELATED POSTS/LINKS:
- New York Times: Should kids have TV’s in their bedrooms?
- Support from your spouse in the kitchen
- Diabetes, overweight kids & the fat-free fallacy
- U.S. News article on kids and weight issues
- U.S. News: 5 things NOT to say to your overweight child!
- More great suggestions from U.S. News
- One more from the Biblical Health Institute
{ 27 comments… read them below or add one }
You’re a great lady, Kelly. Great post. God Bless.
Good post!
I am reading Julia Ross’ The Diet Cure right now and would like to add that if these measures don’t work for some reason, they might benefit from some temporary amino acid therapy to stop cravings and balance blood sugar, etc.
A question from a friend (my friends know how smart all of you are and know to ask me to ask you for help with burning questions!): “A co-worker knows I am into “real food” and natural preventative/treatments when possible. She wondered if I could help her with an issue that her grand daughter is having. First of all, her grand-daughter is 8 and is very overweight (almost 100lbs at 8 yrs old)… She’s been tested for diabetes and all sorts of things, but no answers are coming up. The problem at the moment is that she has recurrent UTI’s – at least once a month she is getting put on antibiotics to clear them up. It always clears up, but comes back again. They are currently working with her on hygiene issues thinking it may have something to do with the recurrent infections (she’s from a divorced family and when she’s at her dad’s house she doesn’t bathe/shower regularly). They also limit her sweet snacks and try to get her to eat as healthily as possible. She’s tried cranberry juice, etc., with no change in symptoms. She’s also had the ultrasound/scope thing to check for kidney reflux and that doesn’t seem to be a problem either. Can your readers offer any suggestions that I can pass on to her? I told her I’d ask you all since you always give such great advice and insight!!!
A few thoughts pop into my mind: 1. Unless there are extreme hygiene issues, that alone shouldn’t cause recurring UTI’s, there has to be some other major immune system issue going on I would think…which of course leads me to think of the GAPS Diet. 2. What kind of diet does she eat besides ‘limiting the sweet snacks’? I did a post once on helping overweight kids: http://kellythekitchenkop.com/2008/03/overweight-kids-16-ways-to-help_26.html
My mother-in-law used to have constant recurring UTIs (for YEARS!) ….until she went grain free. She has not had any since (almost a year now).
I agree with Merry, she should definitely go grain and sugar free. Cranberry juice can only really help if it’s pure, with no added sugar (which is difficult for even me to drink, and she’s a little girl). Her diet should consist of meats, veggies and fats. Getting these healthy food groups in, while eliminating the sweets and grains with drastically improve her immune system, and will help her lose weight.
Gaps or body ecology would do it. What DOES she eat is what i wonder?
I know most of you are not going to be happy with this answer but if it helps this little girl get relief…My sister battled with recurring UTI’s for years (over 10 yrs I think). She changed dr and the new dr (don’t know what kind) put her on a very different antibiotic and that cured them. Basically the other antibiotic was not getting all of the infection just reducing it enough that she was symptom free for awhile.
I had the same experience myself with the antibiotics. They kept giving me the same one, and it never totally got rid of the infection, so it kept coming back. This went on for a few months before I found someone to give me a different antibiotic, and it went away for good. If that’s not the issue, one hygiene problem I would double check is to make sure she’s wiping front to back. Cranberry is ok, but my chiro recommended something called manipol (I may have misspelled that, and sometimes it’s called beta-mannan, but it’s basically the same stuff). I think it’s an aloe extract that does the same thing as cranberry extract, but more efficiently.
I feel so bad for her poor gut! Hopefully they are at least making sure she is getting some kind of probiotics. Going grain and sugar-free would definitely help her, but I have to wonder if it’s feasible, considering she’s spending a lot of time with someone who doesn’t even make sure she bathes regularly…
I agree with going grain free gluten free, we found once grain and sugar out of our diet we no longer had as many cravings for eating, we now eat smaller amounts and feel full
btw, If sugar cravings are a problem, L-glutamine may help reduce them. I wish I would have known that when I first cut sugar and grain!
This is good advice. I was cringing when I saw the headline because I have such a problem with the focus our culture has on obesity. So I was pleasantly surprised by the content.
If she has health issues of course those need to be addressed, and maybe even with a special diet. But size in itself is not the thing to focus on, and neither are calories or portion control. If a special diet or changes to the food that is available are made, it needs to be clear to EVERYONE involved that this is not about size. It is about clearing the uti, or having more energy, or eating something yummier, or supporting the environment, etc.
I like the blog http://familyfeedingdynamics.com/ It’s especially good for folks with a history of eating disorders, who are trying to do the right thing for their kids. I don’t agree with everything on there, but the fundamentals of the approach are good.
The Healthy At Every Size http://www.haescommunity.org/ stuff is good, too.
btw, If sugar cravings are a problem, L-glutamine may help reduce them. I wish I would have known that when I first cut sugar and grain!
We also dealt with the back and forth parenting time/differences thing. Depending on the parenting schedule and relationships involved, changes in diet and the way they are made may need to be carefully considered and carried out. Otherwise changes may backfire in a number of unexpected ways.
If your friend would like some coaching on how to handle implementing changes you can give her our info.
You can also get cranberry in capsules which will do the same thing as the juice but without the sugar content of drinking so much juice. GAPS is probably going to help the most, eliminate grains, sugar and get a good strong probiotic! She probably needs to see a holistic practitioner to battle something this ongoing and stubborn.
One of my favorite authors has a saying that “You are never free from something you focus on.” So, while it is important to be educated and practice healthy nutrition, sometimes that’s just shifting the focus from one area of food to another area of food, while not addressing the psychological issues behind being overweight. Either way, you’re either trying to get food or stay away from it – your obsession is still food. Cutting out entire food groups will most likely cement a stronger food addiction. Especially in someone so young. I struggled with eating issues for years until I was able to learn how to pay attention to my body and “eat when hungry, stop when full” and meet my other needs in proper ways. Dr. Megan Osborne has a great site (shapedwithlove.com) and books for kids (Tummy Talk) about eating issues (it is Christian-based), and Arthur/Judy Halliday have a program on learning how to shift one’s focus from food to health and wellness without instituting a bunch of restricting rules. When you heal someone’s heart, their behavioral and health (ie. weight) issues often resolve themselves. Sounds like this darling girls is carrying her emotional struggles on her body. By the way, I struggled with recurrent UTIs in childhood, too! But mine was due to a narrow urethra. After a minor procedure to widen it, I’ve had few issues since (usually from dehydration!), and D-Mannose takes care of any problems .
I’ve used D-mannose to help prevent UTIs, in addition to the rest of the suggestions.
Have the UTI cultured and use antibiotic that works for the particular strain(s) and wipe it all out then ya as above, grain free, probiotics get this sweeties health back!
Poor kid. I went through the same thing at her age. Turned out that I had a partial blockage in my urinary tract. It prevented me from fully emptying out, which is probably why I kept getting them. They actually had to go in and physically break it up. Haven’t had an UTI since, but I do panic if I have to go more than once every 2-3 hours. Lately, I’ve noticed that when I’ve had gluten that I seem more prone to the “have to pee, can’t pee” feeling.
Kids need healthy fats – making sure she gets enough through eggs, coconut oil and coconut milk in smoothies, cod liver oil, and organ meats will help curb snack cravings. Replacing soft drinks with kombucha will help further reduce sugar cravings and help to balance body ecology/UTI issue. Homemade kombucha is much more likely to be well received than the bottled stuff- at least what is available here is very tart and most kids don’t like tart. But our homemade kombucha is a favorite with my kids. No more soft drinks here! Get her outside in the sun (hard to do in winter, but still fresh air and exercise are important for kids!) Find a team sport or activity. Girls softball teams here are super supportive and a great way to get extra sunshine and exercise. Skateboarding, bike riding – anything to get the metabolism revved.
D-Mannose! That’s what I was trying to remember the name of! Yes, that’s good stuff!
sounds to me the poor thing needs a detox and off junk food and no more antibiotics At the age of 8 her body should recover fairly quickly, but will her psyche?
Are you sure its junk food? As a child I was very heavy even though my mother had me eating ‘healthy’. I have an inflamatory response to all grains and processed foods so every ‘diet’ they put me on I gained weight and got punished for ‘cheating’ on my diet, when my dearest dream was always to be thin.
What about weight gain caused by puberty? My oldest daughter was always very thin until about a year after puberty started and she’s now about 10 – 15 pounds overweight at age 14. Her activity level didn’t change and we eat much healthier now than we did when she was thin. The only thing that changed was the puberty. It was drastic weight gain too. She started puberty right before she turned 12. A year later she suddenly gained several pounds in one month and there was no reason for it. She has gone through periods where she has slimmed down somewhat, but she’s now chunky again and it worries me. I was always thin growing up so I don’t really know how to help her or if this is normal. And most of her friends (same age) are sticks.
I have two thoughts on this:
1. This happens to a lot of kids, and then they get taller and everything is fine. Just DON’T make a bigger deal of it than it needs to be. Keep it LOW key so you can help her maintain a good body image. (SO difficult at this age!)
2. You might consider visiting a naturopath or good chiropractor – just for an evaluation. Just a thought.
Kelly
What could a naturopath (I’m not really familiar with their practices) or a chiropractor (does it have to be a certain kind of practice?) do?
Just peace of mind to double check on the small chance that there might be something else is going on, that’s all.
p.s. I’d also like to say that according charts, her BMI is normal for her height/weight, but when I look at her she has a nice bit of chunk around her middle.